HOPEFUL

Could it be that my do nothing strategy is working? So far this week the results are promising.

After succeeding at doing nothing for 5 days my sports chiropractor worked hard on my hamstring and reported that it was much improved. I knew it was because all his hard work on it hadn't caused much pain. Always a good sign! Then he noticed a deep bruise behind my knee which was likely caused by pooling blood from the injury. That made me nervous...I'd never noticed pooling blood after any other injury. Pooling blood can't be a positive, right?

But apparently it's not much of anything. My chiro ignored it, saying when the treatment ended that I was good to go. So off I went. An easy hour on the elliptical on Tuesday. My nothingness streak was, happily, over. Then, on Wednesday I did my 4.5 mile bridal path/reservoir loop in Central Park. It went slow but well. I did it again on Friday and I was 4 minutes faster.

My pace has quickened to high 9 minutes per mile. That's about 30 seconds off the slowest pace I'd ever run when healthy. But it is SO much better than what I've been doing since my calf/Achilles turned against me. In fact, there were times during the run on Friday where I felt something that I haven't felt in a long time...normal.

And that is why I feel hopeful.

SO HARD TO DO

I've adopted a new tactic to heal. I'm doing nothing. A little walking, a little stretching, a little icing. To me that's nothing. I'm not:

-Working thru the injuries.
-Alternate training around them.
-Backing off when it starts to hurt.
-Doing easy stuff like yoga, but cautously.

No, nothing. That's my plan. Because I've tried training carefully. I've run only on grass fields, the bridal path and the reservoir loop. I've run 11 and 12 minute miles. I've gone so slowly on the few down hills that I might as well have been walking. I've worked hard only on the non impact Elliptical. And I've challenged myself with power yoga in a heated room and yoga is definitely not easy for me. Yet all I've gotten from this is a sense of falling out of shape and seeing only the scantest progress in these nagging injuries. And now a slightly pulled hamstring has been added to my out of kilter list. So that's why I've decided to do nothing.

And THAT is just the hardest thing to do.

Oh, I can do it for awhile and feel calm about it. The other day I was stretching in the gym when a friend approached and asked if I was doing the NYC Marathon. When I explained that these little hurts prevented me from doing so, she responded: "You look very peaceful."

Well, I like peaceful and I felt pleased with her comment. I though that it's a sign of mental health to make something good (peacefulness) out of something bad (forced, limited inactivity).

But the good feelings don't last very long. I get antsy. I want to do what I love. I want to be athletic and competitive and challenge myself. And even now I know that I can. I could weight train. I could (carefully) do Hot Power Yoga. I could (perhaps) do the elliptical. Certainly I could swim. But any of them could also exacerbate one or more of the things that ail me. Probably not swimming but that's the most inconvenient and boring.

So I force myself to do nothing. At least for a few days more. I do non physical things that are good. I remind myself that missing a few more days won't have such a terribly negative affect and that when I'm ready I'll come back strong. And then it's okay. And then it's not. So I make plans that I so far manage to keep myself from enacting.

Man, this nothingness is a challenge. It is really hard to do!!

NOT MUCH FUN AT ALL

I have these injuries. They nag at me and refuse to go away. Groin and Achilles Tendon and Soleus. The groin makes it difficult and painful to stride with any length and curtails my ability to sprint. The Achilles and Soleus become extremely uncomfortable after any real distance and slows my pace on even relatively short runs. They've made it SO difficult to compete and SO difficult to run. And SO difficult to have my athletic fun.

I haven't raced since July or trained in a meaningful way. There's no way I can do the New York Marathon in November and I'm having doubts about Disney in January. I've been able to play softball because that doesn't require running for any length of time. But my speed is limited especially when my groin tightens after about an hour or so. Don't even ask about the second game of double headers!!

I go for treatment and I'm told that nothing feels bad. Great! Until I try to do something and keep hitting against these confounding limitations. Of course I cross train and have incorporated yoga in heated rooms into my options. But it's NOT RUNNING!!!!!

I think I need to take a break and let everything settle down but that is very difficult. I feel the summer (and time) slipping away. I've lost my sense of being in really good shape. I've concentrated on softball because I can at least muddle through the game but the fast running it demands probably exacerbates my ills.

At least there have been softball successes. My Sunday team won our championship and I played well at crucial moments. I've also done fine with my weekday team, the one that was the source of much dispair a few months ago. I've regained much of what I felt I'd lost there and we are now in the playoffs. We can take the championship there, too.

And in our first playoff contest this week I did very well...till I pulled a hamstring! So now I can't run at all. Maybe the forced rest will help heal the other ailments. But it's depressing. And a drag. And boring. And makes me distrustful of my body. And feel so old.

Get my point? Not much fun at all.