SOFTBALL STRUGGLES

I worry about my softball abilities. I'm not as good as I was in the past. That's particularly so in the outfield. Once I was SUCH a good outfielder. Now I'm not. I used to get on base all the time. Now it's more of a struggle. As a result my position on both my teams is less secure and I wonder just how much I can still contribute.

That's not very pleasent.

Defensively this season I've been okay except for one awful play. Offensively I judge myself by 2 basic standards. I want to be on base at least twice each game and score a run. After 8 games I've been on 14 times and crossed home with 8 runs. Not bad. But I've had some poor at bats in the last few games and that's got me worried.

Yesterday's game is a great illustration of what I'm going through. I never touched the ball in the field. My first 2 at bats were pretty awful. Twice I swung at difficult pitches and hit them weakly. I was over anxious. I began wondering if I should be batting at the top of the lineup. I wondered if I belonged in the lineup at all.

Despite my non contribution the score was tied, 0-0, late in the game. I came to bat in the sixth with a runner on first and no one out. I moved up in the box and told myself to look for something a little higher than the pitches I'd made outs on. I got 1 and singled to center. Finally, a contribution! The next 3 batters made outs, however, and the game remained scoreless. Still, I was SO relieved!

Neither team could break through and it looked like I'd bat again. If I made another out I'd be a weak 1-4 and that sucks. But my 1-3 wasn't very good either. I told myself to just do my best if I got another chance. The game went to extra innings and I lead off the ninth. Getting on was critical. The first pitch was to my liking and I lined it to the right of the shortstop, a clean hit. I was so pleased...actually, so relieved! I hadn't fucked up our game. Now I was a very respectable 2-4 and had a chance to score the winning (and the game's only) run. That would make everything...alright.

I've always loved to run the bases and I was an awfully good baserunner. And, to me, there is nothing more exciting than scoring an important run. I advanced to second, sliding hard, when the second basement mishandled a ground ball.

I love to score from second. I love to fly around third and then sweep by the catcher. When the next batter lined the ball to center I thought that's exactly what would happen...except the centerfielder was playing shallow, the ball held up, I stopped quickly and saw the fielder make a great running catch. I rushed back to second and dove into the bag ahead of the throw. I guarantee that half (maybe more)of the players on my team would have been double up. I'd made a smart play.

The next batter dribbled one in front of the plate, I ran to third and everyone was safe. Bases loaded now with 1 out. All we needed was a good flyball. And that's what our batter delivered. I took off and slid into home thought a slide wasn't necessary. We won and I did indeed score the winning (and only) (and difficult) run!

I didn't play a great game but I had played a good one and contributed to our win!

So now I feel that I don't suck at the moment. But that might change after today's doubleheader.