RELAXING

Relaxing makes me nervous. When I try...via meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, relaxation techniques...my head fills with all sorts of very active thoughts. I've run many races, batted in countless clutch situations, taken on multi problems, all in my mind as I've tried to relax. Soon I'm feeling a sense of urgency that is anything but soothing. I've got to stop this time wasting technique and get to doing...whatever! Till finally, just the thought of taking 10 minutes to relax seems overwhelming.

But the thought of rising blood pressure also makes me nervous. Both my parents have/had high blood pressure, so, genetically, my BP future doesn't look bright unless I somehow get hold of it. I don't want medication. Diet modification is part of it. So is, I've heard, relaxation. But I can't seem to do that, certainly not consistantly, alone.

I need a relaxation Personal Trainer.

I heard of a product called Resperate. It is a device that uses simple guided imagery and musical tones to slow breathing into what it calls the "theraputic zone" of less than 10 breathes per minute. This zone, it claims, relaxes the arterial system, easing blood flow and lowering blood pressure. Do this several times a week for 6 weeks or so and the accumulating theraputic effect becomes permanent. What's to lose by trying it? Three hundred dollars. No other risks that I can see.

It came yesterday and it was easy to hook up. And easy to get going. And simple to bring my breathing rate into the Theraputic Zone. And easy to maintain it well under 10. But still weird and unsettling to concentrate on Just Breathing.

So I looked at the dials. I sampled all the different musical prompts. I discovered all the various measurement scales. I followed time of exercise, time in Zone, rate of breathing. I wondered if this was counterproductive. I wondered if I was holding my breath too much at the end of the inhalation. Perhaps this was lowering my rate non theraputically? The total time was dragging. Could I possibly make it for the full term of 15 minutes? Would the usefulness be totally defeated if I didn't? Would it really matter if I did? Was I getting anxious? My breathing rate remained low and in the zone. Perhaps it didn't matter if I was anxious. But if it was all so problematic this time, how could I possibly hope to do it consistantly? What a waste of money this could be, and....

....The phone rang. I was glad. I answered it. I put the device away.

Today I tried it again. It was much easier. I got in the Zone, stayed, lower and lower in the Zone till my breathing rate was barely above 4 per minute. I didn't change the music or examine the other measurements. I closed my eyes, relaxed, breathed...and occassionally looked at the clock sitting across from me! It was soothing to watch the minute hand move out of the twenties and into the thirties. I was progressing through the alloted time and getting closer to the finish.

The phone didn't ring and I did my 15 minutes. Though I have a real race tomorrow morning I didn't preview it in my mind or start thinking about my time goals. I didn't run any fantasy races or take any imaginary at bats. I didn't do any errands or solve any problems.

It was nice, actually. Relaxing.

A start.